Mayor Proclaims 'National Holiday' as Taco Bell Opens in Green Cove
Gives City Workers Day Off on Friday, Plans Annexation
The mayor of Green Cove Springs has declared a national holiday in the city to commemorate today’s opening of Taco Bell, calling it the “gastronomical event we have all waited for so long.”
“That’s a French word,” Mayor Darrell Lutz revealed, “what you get when you combine astronomical and gas.”
His proclamation dated August 13, 2026 said in part:
With the power vested in me as mayor of the year, I declare a citywide national holiday and hereby give all city employees the day off from work tomorrow, the 14th day of August. Anyone who normally has Friday off will be entitled to a compensatory holiday to enjoy with family the closest thing Green Cove may ever have to fine dining.
The city encourages all it’s citizens to turn out for a Crunchy Taco Supreme trio (a dish definitely not made using lettuce from Taylor Farms de Mexico).
“It has been pointed out to me by the City Planning Department that our Taco Bell is technically over the city line in Clay County’s jurisdiction,” Lutz said. “Like a soft taco, this cannot stand.”
Lutz said he intends to introduce a measure in the City Council to annex the property as soon as possible. “We will immediately turn this over to the city attorney, whose name I do not recall,” he said.
“As a wise man once said, ‘Taco Bell is livin’ proof that hunger will always trump memory.’ How could we not work to bring such a national treasure closer unto the bosom of Mother Green Cove?” Lutz asked.
“I mean, if we can annex property to build apartments at the end of an airport runway, nothing’s out of the question, right?”
And before you ask, the answer is yes, all this is made-up. (Except the airport part. A previous City Council really did that. And the location part; the restaurant is indeed “north of the border.”)